Philips Cinema has been releasing some pretty interesting short films in some sort of project space they are calling ‘Parallel Lines’. I just finished watching one called The Gift. which I think deserves your attention below.

The only issue with it is that it is embedded in a fact Philips TV, the kind that displays colored light behind it, so the picture is reduced. However, this is great marketing, as you can really see what the lights-behind-the-tv is all about.

I suggest you go full-screen and as high-quality you can.

Original can be found on YouTube.

“Damnation Alley” is a science fiction classic that has yet to make a DVD release. I use the term ‘classic’ loosely, as it is really more of a science fiction ‘cult’ classic. Produced in 1977, a year forever marked as the debut of “Star Wars”, it’s special effects are both terrible and cheesy. Fortunately, his style of special effects has come to be a cherished hallmark of cult science fiction.

The studio responsible for this movie, 20th Century Fox, was producing two science fiction movies in ‘77. They had high expectation for the big budget “Damnation Alley” and expected their other title to flop. The other movie of course was Star Wars, which went on to become one of the most successful movies of all time. There are plenty of interesting trivia bits about Damnation Alley on IMDB.

“Damnation Alley” was directed by Jack Smight and stars George Peppard and Jan-Michael Vincent. It was bizarre to see Peppard in such a silly movie, but Vincent seemed right at home. The legendary Paul Winfield and a very young Jackie Earle Haley also star.

The movie is based on a book of the same name by Roger Zelazny. Zelazny was reportedly very unhappy with the end product of the movie. Not only was it a significant departure from the book, but it also fell flat as a movie translation.

"Check out my ride!" -Idiotic Landmaster Driver

And now, on to the breakdown of “Damnation Alley”.

The movie opens on a remote desert base in the United States, in which military personnel are hard at work like busy little bees. While the introductory credits roll, we see military officers interacting with each other over antique computer monitors while big screens in the background give monochrome views of the Earth from orbit. The movie takes shape as two officers enter a sergeant’s office, who is also a talented artist, to arm their guns and set off on some undetermined task. The men, Tanner and Denton, relieve two other offices as they take over their stations in a room full of mainframe computers with blinking lights and monitors. Then, it happens.

Other officers, presumably in the same complex, see warnings and red dots superimposed over the United States on their screens. “It appears to be a satellite entry. Probably a burnout”.

War Games

Our two protagonists, Tanner and Denton, begin to “arm all missiles” in response to what at this point we must assume is a massive nuclear attack on the United States. As the two missile controllers enter their retaliatory commands, we learn that the missiles appear to be inbound toward all major US cities. 8 minutes into the movie we see several large scale missiles departing their underground bunkers in United States locales as they travel outward to stop the incoming missile swam.

Only 40% of the missiles are destroyed in the counter attack. “Missile strikes are confirmed in Boston, Philedelphia, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, Detroit…”. The United States has suffered a nuclear attack. The main voice engineer continues, “Seattle, Portland, Charlotte, Denver, St. Louis…”, the destroyed cities continue to pile up.

At the 13 minute mark the movie fades to black, only to zoom in on from outer space onto a desolate and brown earth. The sky is orange and hazy. We later find out it is 2 years in the future.

The tone of the movie instantly changes as scenes of barren and arrid landscapes are shown from great distances.

Text is shown as the background cycles through the now devoid-of-life landscapes. “The Third World War left the planet shrouded in a pall of radioactive dust, under skies lurid and angry, in a climate gone insane.”

The narrative continues, “Tilted on its axis as a result of the nuclear holocaust, the Earth lived through a reign of terror, with storms and floods of unprecedented terror.”

“When this epoch began to wind down, the remnants of life once more venture forth to commence the struggle for survivial and dominance. This is the story of some of them.” Right. Just some of them.

Post-Apocalyptic Sand Dune Wheelie

As a dirt biker drives towards a remort manned desert base, a gigantic scorpion begins to track them. Now I’m excited. Gigantic scorpions AND dirt bikes! The biker, carrying an unknown passenger, begins to ride towards the desert outpost while weaving through the giant scorpions.

He ultimately ditches his female companion in an effort to get to the base without being stung. Despite being radioed from the base via walkie-talkie to save the abandoned passenger, the unnamed man continues riding through the sand dunes kicking the giant scorpions away from his dirt bike.

Scorpion Fight

A man in a cowboy hat, the artist from before, watches from a high vantage point on the desert base as the the dirt biker arrives without the girl. He takes aim and fires several warning shots around the bike, “You sonova!”.

The dirt biker replies, “What are you worried about Keegan, there ain’t nothing you can do for her!” Keegan looks in a nearby telescope to see a terribly manufactured doll being stung repeatedly by the giant scorpions. It was all for naught!

Vroom Vroom

As the two men get reacquainted while drinking liquor Deadwood style, straight out of a bottle, we learn that dirt biker was returning from a distant trip and picked up the female dummy for companionship. Boy, despite dirt bikes and giant scorpions, the future sure is bleak.

Somewhere else in the base a man, Haskins, rushes in to a room with some files. After a strange fight with a coworker dressed in uniform, we learn that time is valued, “That’s my 20 minutes!”. A few minutes later a terrible accident happens with a cigarette lights extremely flammable gas and the main building explodes. Up to this point we still don’t know what the base is, who is running it, or what the outside world is truly like.

2 days later, with the smell of smoke still fresh, the dirt bike rider, Keegan, and the man in the cowboy hat, Tanner, watch as 2 massive vehicles exit from part of the side buildings of the base. The men are invited by the two drivers to join their convoy of Landmasters as they set out to leave the base for some unknown destination.

Who wants Kool Aid?

Frankly, Landmasters are awesome. They highlight of the movie. As the landmasters drive on we learn that the group is headed for Albany. In order to get to Albany though they have to cross through Damnation Alley… a formation named by one of the characters himself. Landmasters can handle a 60′ incline, operate underwater, have a speed of 60 miles an hour… and guzzle gas.

As the landmasters continue through Damnation Alley they come upon a massive storm with several tornadoes spinning off of it. The lead landmaster buckles down to brace for the storm but it is ultimately tossed around like a tin can. When the second landmaster makes it through the storm without problem, they are unable to make communication with the lead landmaster. They soon find the wrecked Landmaster and find that the driver, Perry, is dead. Keegan however is still okay. A confrontation takes place between the three men as Tanner and the leader of the expedition argue over Keegan’s correct decision to drive through the storm instead of stopping, despite being ordered otherwise.

Las Vegas Succumbs to the Desert

When the Landmaster comes upon Las Vegas only the tops of buildings are visible out of the sand dunes. The men choose to depart from their Landmaster to explore a casino. Everything is in ruin with dust and sand coating every surface. Cards are left behind in a hurry, so the attack must have vaporized everyone pretty quickly. The men begin playing all the slot machines in the casino that they can.

As they rush around to find coins, quickly depositing them in the machines, the sound of a crowd begins to rumble. As the sound builds to a peak, the men are surprised to see a woman in a dress standing on the balcony looking down at them, equally shocked. After hugs and celebrations at finding a survivor, the woman tells her oh-so-boring tale of being lucky enough to survive.

What would they even use the money for?

After travelling to Vegas to pursue a career in singing, the bombs came. We don’t really learn how exactly she survived, but only that others around her slowly died out. She sets off with the three men as they continue their journey.

They encounter rainstorms and minor troubles and then stop in a quaint little town. Cockroaches have survived and they are out in full force. Keegan sees the bones of 2 year dead humans and questions how they are so polished and smooth. As he tries to crush a cockroach he comes to discover that it is… armor plated!

Armor Plated Cockroaches!

Tanner and the girl ride around town on Tanner’s dirt bike. As they enter a building full of mannequins the cockroaches begin to attack. They are swarming everywhere around both groups, even drawing blood by biting Keegan’s flesh! Keegan rushes to a car to lock himself inside but the cockroaches break through. Denton, the team leader, rushes to the Landmaster to try to save Keegan. Unfortunately it is too late and so Denton sets off to find Tanner and the girl, Gloria. It is then when one of the greatest lines of the movie is uttered over a walkie talkie.

“Tanner, this is Denton. This whole town is infected with killer cockroaches. Repeat. Killer cockroaches!”

Best. Line. Ever.

After narrowly escaping the cockroach infested town the team comes upon a shack with a lone boy living in it. The boy pelts the crew with rocks, only to end up running away. The men chase the boy down and attempt to make friends. We find out that his parents died and he has been on his own for 4 moons. Of course we would start using moons to track time. Days are so pre-World War 3.

Chasing Down Rorsach

The boy (Jackie Earle Haley) brings a new dynamic to the group in his youthful exuberance. He wants to learn how to ride a bike and to driven and the mean seem eager to teach him. No signs of extreme right wing violence quite yet though.

At the next town that they stop off at, the team comes across a group of haggardly robbers and cowboys, all of which are long-haired, emaciated, and wounded. Clearly these men have seen the worst of the fallout. They demand that Denton and Tanner take them out to “that perty machine out there” to show them how to operate it. It appears as though the men are going to steal their one and only Landmaster. After a little bit of trickery on the heroes part, they manage to kill some of the robbers with guns and missiles and set off about their way to Albany.

Beardy McBearderson

In Detroit the crew stops off to try to salvage some car parts for repairs to their vehicle. While the operation is underway a sand storm threatens their mission. But they’ve come so far! Not to fear, they manage to escape the storm and then begin riding through a huge lake. This Landmaster is also a Lakemaster! They cross the lake into an area with grass and trees, the first we have seen of the movie, and they set up camp.  Their radio, which has only played static up to this point, begins to play music… and then a woman’s voice announces a 2 minute pause for incoming transmissions. After celebrating the discovery of life in Albany they crew radios in that they are alive and coming to town.

Tanner and the boy hop on the bike to head in to town for a pizza and a beer. Yup, pizza and a beer. Nothing says pizza and a beer like driving across the post-apocalyptic country in a landmaster after World War 3. The duo drive into town and a huge crowd begins to assemble to welcome the newcomers as the credits roll. Safe harbor at last!

Landmaster - Into the Sunset

So how exactly did Albany survive this nuclear holocaust without a scratch? This group of people just drove across the country and all we saw were barren landscapes and rundown towns! Albany however has become some sort of heaven on earth, a veritable garden of Eden in an apocalyptic wasteland.

What a bizarre movie. The effects were bad, the sky was constantly changing colors, and the plot was downright silly. It’s really interesting to me that Fox thought this was going to outperform Star Wars.

As I mentioned earlier, there is no DVD release of this film. However, you can still watch it through Amazon Demand and Veoh. Read more about “Damnation Alley” on Wikipedia and IMDB.

My favorite movie of 2009 is… Moon! Have you heard of it? Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be surprised if you haven’t. I aim to change that! But first, I should let you know that about half way through this post I start to spoil the movie. If you want to see this movie you should not read anything more until afterwards. I mean it. Then, once you’ve seen it, come back.

Moon was directed and written by Duncan Jones (Zowie Bowie), the son of rock legend David Bowie. Jones, who co-wrote it with Nathan Parker, had actor Sam Rockwell specifically in mind for the lead role. “Lead Role” is a bit misleading though, as Rockwell is really the only actor on screen for practically the entirety of the movie. Also, Moon was made for the low-low price of only $5 million in only 33 days!

It's a Marvellous Night

Sam Bell (Rockwell) is an employee working for a company called Lunar Industries, who operates a lone base on the moon to extract helium-3 out of the soil. It is hinted that this clean energy source is desperately needed back on Earth, where Bell has left behind his wife Tess (Dominique McElligott).

When Sam Bell left for the moon, Tess was pregnant with their daughter, Eve. In addition to Rockwell, Kevin Spacey provides the voice of an affable computer/robot hybrid that helps run the operation in the same vein as HAL-9000. If you like Rockwell or Spacey, you are in for a treat because they run the show.

Magnificent Desolation

As the movie progresses we learn that Bell is almost done with his 3 year tour on the lunar base. After suffering hallucinations, Bell becomes reckless and accidentally wrecks one of his lunar rovers by crashing it into a harvester. Sam wakes up back at the base with no memory of what happened, and things begin to take a bizarre turn.

Here's the Church, here's the...

After hearing a live communication between the robot GERTY (Kevin Spacey) and earth, something we had previously learned was impossible, Bell begins to suspect that something is terribly wrong. He sabotages the station in order to get outside to travel to the crash site that he somehow escaped from. Once there, he finds a copy of himself, but barely alive. He rescues this original version of himself and takes him back to the base.

From here on out, Bell must confront an unfathomable situation as he finds that Lunar Industries is not the company he thinks it is, and that he himself is not even who he thinks he is. As the two Sam Bell’s begin to learn about the situation around them, a third Sam is discovered, and a plan for escape from the base is devised. Although the ending wraps up a lot of the challenges that have been posed throughout the film, the viewer is ultimately presented with a new situation that raises even more questions.

Confrontation

There are a lot of reasons that I love Moon. I like that it takes such huge risks on such strange ideas. It features only one actor who plays multiple versions of the same character, and masterfully so at that. The sense of isolation and desperation the he creates is palpable.

I also appreciate the use of models and actual studio-based landscapes instead of computer animation. I typically have no problems with computer animation, but the models used here were great. In addition the sterile, white-lit, polished lunar base, situated in ‘magnificent desolation’, is a great setting for some truly beautiful shots. The cinematographer, a newcomer named Gary Shaw, did a great job in capturing this setting. The original music score by Clint Mansell is haunting in it’s slow build-ups and repetition and has stuck with me since.

Broken Down on Freeway 9

This movie makes the viewer think. It poses philosophical questions in a gradual and provocative way and then lets the onlooker watch as one man makes decisions to try to answer them.

This is no summer blockbuster… someone that doesn’t want to ponder the options as the movie plays on will likely find it is too slow (a complaint I have read in other reviews). Moon is a how’s-this-possible mystery set within the framework of a hard-science fiction movie.

Rockwell Trying on a Beard for Size

Roger Ebert gave Moon 3.5 out of 4 stars (boooo!… although from Ebert I’ll take it) and described Moon by saying:

“‘Moon’ is a superior example of that threatened genre, hard science-fiction, which is often about the interface between humans and alien intelligence of one kind of or other, including digital. John W. Campbell Jr., the godfather of this genre, would have approved. The movie is really all about ideas. It only seems to be about emotions. How real are our emotions, anyway? How real are we? Someday I will die. This laptop I’m using is patient and can wait.”

You can always count on Ebert for a great quote.

Taking a Breather

It is entirely fitting that this movie was made by the son of David Bowie. It centers on a lonely man in space, an astronaut, who is isolated from the rest of his world. This is of course is a theme that David Bowie has explored continually in both his movies and music. Like father, like son.

Duncan Jones is apparently working on a follow up to Moon. This is news that I am both happy and worried about. Apparently the movie, Mute, will serve as a sort of epilogue and will once again feature Rockwell in some capacity as Sam Bell.

Check out Moon at IMDB and Wikipedia.

A Big Blue Dot

It ought to be common knowledge that Quentin Tarantino is full of himself. After all, he is really only full of himself when it comes to film making. Given that he lives and breathes movies from almost every perspective, genre, and time period, perhaps he has the credentials necessary to be so sure of himself. Having a clearly defined style and sensibility imbued in his work, Tarantino’s impressive filmography is fairly wide in range, with “Pulp Fiction” often cited as his best work. It is my contention however that Tarantino’s latest movie “Inglourious Basterds” is just as good as “Pulp Fiction”, if not better.

Smoking Le Cigarette

Starring Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Eli Roth, Diane Kruger, Mélanie Laurent, and BJ Novak, “Inglourious Basterds” is a fictional war film that takes place during World War II at the height of the Nazi’s power. Despite having a historical basis, the movie is a far departure from attempting to be based any real life events.

To summarize, the movie is about two different assassination plots against the Nazi leadership, specifically Hitler. The movie chronicles both of these attempts to fruition. One attempt is planned by a young French Jewish theater manager (Mélanie Laurent) using subterfuge and her very own theater. The other more aggressive and direct plot is carried out by a specialist team of American soldiers led by a highly caricatured Lieutenant, Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt).

Lighting and Shadows

The opening of the movie is full of about as much tension as any movie could be. While a Jewish family is hiding under the floorboards of a farm house, the loathsome SS Colonel Hans Landa (Academy Award winner Christoph Waltz) questions the French farm owner about rumors of him harboring a Jewish family. After murdering the family, one of the young girls escapes and grows up to become the theater owner previously mentioned.

Shaking Hands with a Snake

The other note-worthy scene in the movie is the showdown in a bar between undercover American soldiers and Nazi officers. Over drinks and a game of cards, the Nazi officers slowly begins to suspect that the Americans aren’t who they claim. This slow build-up of suspense, almost Hitchcockian in nature, reaches such an immense pressure point that it is practically oozing off of the screen. Of course in the end all that build-up is released through an intense and fast-paced fight on screen.

All of Tarantino’s trademarks can be found in this movie: long bouts of quick and witty dialogue, low camera angles, tight and quick actions sequences, a complex non-linear plot somehow coming together, and just a touch of gore (or maybe more than a touch in this case). For me, it all makes for both a fun action movie and an instant masterpiece. Another interesting aspect of this movie is that Tarantino’s love of film is front-and-center; the heroine is a theater owner and indeed the climax takes place inside her theater.

Just Another Night at the Neighborhood Bar

Christoph Waltz deservingly won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. There was absolutely no way that he was going to lose that contest. If for no other reason at all, you should see this movie for his sake. He puts on a performance that is slimey, sordid, and vile, but all the while he revels in it. He is evil and he enjoys it. You can’t help but hope that terrible, terrible things happen to his character.

The only downside to this movie is Brad Pitt’s over-acted accent. I’m sure it was exactly what Tarantino was asking for, so he is probably just as much to blame, but the accent is far too over the top. Despite this, “Inglourious Basterds” is still my #2 pick for 2009.

You should read more about this great movie on IMDB and Wikipedia.

Different Heroine, Different Cigarette

No, my #1 pick is not the Best Picture winner!

When “The Hurt Locker”, an independent production directed by Kathryn Bigelow, first came out in New York and Los Angeles it had only been talked about in the circles of critics, film festivals, and movie fanatics. That all changed over time after getting a country wide release, and then its success climaxed when it won the Academy Award for best picture. It’s always great to see a ‘little’ independent film sweep the nation and awards ceremonies, seemingly out of nothing.

Disarming Time

Starring Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, and Brian Geraghty, the movie tells the story of a U.S. Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal (a bomb squad…) in Iraq during the war in 2004. The marines travel around Baghdad attempting to contain highly dangerous situations involving enemy combatants and tricky bombs. In some cases they succeed, in others they fail. The emotional destruction wrought upon their lives is obvious from the get-go.

Time to Suit Up

Although compelling the whole way through, it is the movie’s ending that truly delivers. William James, Renner’s character, chooses to go back to the war after having returned home. It is these final scenes of the movie that are the most powerful. James, standing in a freshly supplied supermarket in the United States, is so clearly out of place that he doesn’t know what to do.

Later he tells his baby son that there is only one thing that he know he loves… and just like that he is back in Iraq. The pull of the war, the physical high of disarming bombs while fighting enemies all around him, is just too much for him to leave behind.

This movie stands out for its story. Many Americans know someone who is, was, or will be a solider. Although ordnance disposal is a different beast, the drive and passion within the person is the same. As a result, people watching this movie will be moved by it. There is no way around it.

Cover Fire

In addition to great cinematography, the sound effects in this movie do wonders to put the viewer directly into the picture. Every explosion, bullet, and confrontation is crisp, clear, and in your face.

I loved this movie for its realism and grittiness, as well as a more-realistic-than-happy ending. Movies of this caliber don’t show up too often.

An interesting statistic about “The Hurt Locker” is that as of 2010, it is the lowest grossing ‘Best Picture’ Oscar winner. Read more about “The Hurt Locker” on Wikipedia and IMDB.

eeny meeny miney moe

It’s time for #4, “Up in the Air”. This 2009 comedy-drama was directed by Jason Reitman and co-written by Reitman and Sheldon Turner. It is based on a 2001 book by Walter Kirn of the same name. The movie follows the life of a corporate down-sizer named Ryan Bingham, played perfectly by George Clooney. During the movie we learn about his self imposed social isolation, his unique job, and his life without love. During his travels Bingham encounters two women: one, an ambitious graduate with conflicting ideals named Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) and the other a mysterious similarly minded paramour, Alex (Vera Farmiga).

Clooney in Up in the Air

Bingham’s unique job has him flying all over the country to fire people. He loves it. The requirements and hardships of this job have given Bingham an almost morbid impression of society, one in which he believes that isolation and the lack of relationships is a good thing. This set of ideals comes under fire when he is entrusted with Natalie Keener, a spunky young woman who is ready to enter into the work force and make the world a better place.

Bingham begins training Keener on his job, which ultimately means training her on his life. A majority of the movie centers around Bingham’s defense of his lifestyle, which is constantly under fire from the world around him. Fortunately there is relief in this from Farmiga’s character, Alex.

Anna Kendrick at the Airport

Clooney and Farmiga’s chemistry stands out all movie long after their first meeting in an airport hotel bar. They enter into a casual relationship with almost contractual like obligations. They aren’t able to meet often but when they do, the fireworks go off. As a result of Alex’s mysterious personal life and seemingly similar lone-wolf mentality, Bingham begins to forgo his own mantra and falls in love with her. At the same time, Bingham finds turmoil within his company after being grounded from being able to fly, a result of Keener’s new ‘fire by webcam’ system.

Bingham is thus confronted with the sudden realization that his entire lifestyle is no more, and he starts grasping at straws, specifically at Alex. The movie ends with a confrontation between the two in which Bingham’s isolation and social distrust is only reaffirmed. In a way it is both a happy and a sad ending: Bingham gets what he wants and can return to his flying lifestyle while at the same time he is rejected by his final advance towards Alex.

The Lone Wolves at a Wedding

From the trailers and ads for this film alone one can easily tell that it has a unique look. The cinematography fits nicely with Bingham’s lifestyle, frequently framing him by himself, isolated, or standing apart from everything behind him.

To sum it up, “Up in the Air” is both unique and great. It features compelling characters, wonderful acting, an interesting and relate-able story, and beautiful filming. Now that I’m into the top 4 of 2009, I can’t really say any more than I already have… you should see this movie if you haven’t.

Find out more about “Up in the Air” from IMDB and Wikipedia.

Clooney and Farmiga - In the Bleachers

My #5 favorite movie of 2009 is “District 9″. If you haven’t seen it yet, I’m here to tell you that whatever exactly you are waiting for isn’t worth it anymore. Go rent this movie!

One of the biggest successes of 2009, this sleeper hit popped up out of nowhere as a result of Peter Jackson asking Neill Blomkamp to expand his short film “Alive in Joburg” into a full length feature. District 9 is Blomkamp’s only feature length film to date but this director’s future is looking blindingly bright.

Wikus - A Talking Head

Employing a mix between a BBC documentary style TV show, an action thriller, and a science fiction classic, “District 9″ portrays a realistic modern day story of a damaged alien ship arriving at Earth but unable to leave. The movie begins with a series of nightly news style recaps about the events leading up to the current time period. In short, the aliens have been subjected to an enforced social segregation from human society, similar to South Africa under apartheid, due to humanity’s feelings of xenophobia.

Confrontation

As a result of mounting alien-human tensions, humanity decides to force the aliens, commonly referred to as ‘prawns’, out of their current living area. Wikus van de Merwe, played by Sharlto Copley (a complete newcomer), is a fumbling but lovable, funny, and hard-working man who works for the MNU (a fictional concept similar to the UN). Wikus is asked to lead the relocation efforts as a result of his father-in-law’s position within the organization. Despite his good intentions and passion for the work, Wikus is completely out of his depth in this role. As a result of poorly handled situations and the straining tensions further uncontrollable violence begins to outbreak.

A Prawn

At about the half-point in the movie the realistic science fiction story gives way to an action thriller finish. Wikus, after being exposed to an alien substance, begins to metamorphose into an alien himself. Struggling with his sense of identity and humanity, Wikus ultimately realizes the aliens are misunderstood and begins to help them. The big explosions and chases in the finish of the movie feel entirely different from the start, but despite that the movie is still compelling and entertaining.

This movie is breath of fresh air from the drivel that Hollywood has continued to produce recently, but it still has some elements of the common ’summer blockbuster’. The viewer is forced to think about concepts and problems that most movies wouldn’t touch. The movie also presents layers of complex social issues in addition to alien apartheid, such as Nigerian gangs exploiting the aliens. The pacing is well balanced though, as other scenes show how much ‘prawns’ love cat food or how amazingly imaginative the alien-technology guns are.

Wikipeda and IMDB are good places to start if you’d like to learn more about “District 9″.

The Damaged Alien Ship

Where to start… where to start…

Once upon a time there was a man. A really angry man. And this man was named Michael Gordon Peterson. Peterson did whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He liked women, booze, and expensive things. So he took them all despite the repercussions. As you can imagine, the people around him had a hard time dealing with him. The Luton Town (go Hatters!) police in particular. In jail is where Peterson really found out what he liked most… fighting. And thus, Bronson was born.

Bronson - Sucka Punch!

The film “Bronson”, directed by Nicolas Winding Refn, tells the story of Michael Gordon Peterson, renamed Charles Bronson during his parole and boxing days. The film crosses the line between dark comedy, crime story, and horror. Tom Hardy, the man who played Picard’s clone in “Star Trek: Nemesis”, portrays Bronson. Hardy managed to bulk up to epic proportions for this role. In fact, when I first saw this movie, I thought there was absolutely no way that he could be the same person. But, I was so very, very wrong. Not only is he muscularly huge, but he is a raving, maniacal, lunatic. I had no idea Tom Hardy was such an amazing and capable actor. It is hard to take your eyes off him in this movie. In fact, he won my prestigious ‘Best Actor of 2009′ award hands down.

Earl Grey, Hot

In this film we get to watch a man so full of rage, so crazed, that he willingly strips himself naked to fight a large group of armed jail guards. He greases himself up in a later, similar altercation to make holding him down more difficult. He lives his life on spur of the moment decisions, often centered around wanting a woman, a thing, or a fight. The movie stays somewhat true to the original story (which you can read about here on Wikipedia) as we follow Bronson in and out of prison, in and out of rage, and in and out of stardom. He was after all “Her Majesty’s most expensive prisoner”.

There isn’t too much more to say about the story… “bad man goes to jail, likes to fight”. It’s ironic though because in the very last shot of the movie , and hopefully I’m not alone here, I started to feel bad for Bronson. There is a remorseful quality about this mustached man’s life and the only way in which he knows to live it: in jail.

Bronson - Cheeeese!

As with most movies I truly appreciate, the cinematography in “Bronson” is masterful. Every scene is well shot. In addition, the lighting and shadows stand out and I think you’ll be able to tell that from the screen grabs. The camera in this movie has a way of making Tom Hardy look every bit as brooding and hateful as he can.

If you like this movie then you should definitely check out Nicolas Winding Refn’s other work, including the Pusher series. Read more about “Bronson” on Wikipedia and IMDB.

Paul: All you need is a name.
Charles Bronson: What’s wrong with Mickey Peterson.
Paul: You need a fighting name, like a movie star.
Charles Bronson: Charlton Heston.
Paul: Look, love. No one gives a toss about Charlton Heston. The man’s a c***. You’re more of the Charles Bronson type.

Bronson - Just Another Fight

Check this out! The Hangover 2 is going to be in 3D! This is what I have been dreaming about ever since I saw Avatar. I left the theater thinking… I NEED TO SEE GALIFINAKIS’ BEARD in 3D! IN ALL ITS CRUSTY, THREE DIMENSIONAL GLORY!!! I am so relieved about this. I have been worried that they were going to make a huge mistake with an old-school 2D release. Why not just shoot it in black and white!

Now that I will get to see jiggly half-naked men racing towards me on the big screen, there are some other requests I’d like to make to the movie studios that I think would really enhance my movie going experience. Executive producers, theater owners, and James Cameron… take out your moleskine notepad and get ready to rock.

SMELLS LIKE TEEN FILM SPIRIT

You know how when you go to a theme park and get in one of those super fancy theaters that spray overpowering smells in your face? Why can’t I get that in my local Cinemark 14? Orama 4-D is the type of theater I have been DREAMING about every since that unfortunate incident at that “Fraggle Rock: The Movie” screening at the 3D Mega-Omniplex back in the day. Instead of smelling 3 year old baby poo, I could’ve been smelling the robot-like productivity of the Doozers digging through rock like it was so much butter!

Sniff the DOOZERS

If there is one thing that I wish I could change about The Hangover Part 1 (I’m hoping of a Quadriligy… right? RIGHT!?) it’s that I couldn’t tell exactly how that hotel room smelled the morning after their big night out. There was even a tiger there, that was so crazy!

ALCOHOLIC SEA SPRAY

If you really want to get The Hangover experience in theaters you have to sneak in a flask (OR FOUR) and guzzle down as much booze as you can every time there is a drink on screen. There’s nothing better than watching a movie about hangovers than walking out of that same movie with a hangover! Instead of having to sneak my booze into the theater why can’t they just spray alcohol at my face with giant Pacific Theatres© Liquor Sprinklers™?

Scotchy Scotch Scotch

The only problem with this is that kids under 21 will not be allowed in the theater. I have a solution though! Let’s change the under age drinking policy to EXCLUDE Pacific Theatres© Liquor Hose Sprinklers™ enabled theaters! I’m sure Nancy Pelosi can put that together and push it through the congress house-thing without any problems. Every time that suave hunk Bradley Cooper takes a shot of Vanilla Grey Goose we can get spritzed in the face with cheap vodka like we deserve. Also, I just want to state that these sprinkler things better not shoot wine cause that stuff stains like a mother.

GET UNDER MOTION CONTROL

These new D-box things look totally freaking sweet, as Peter from the Family Guy would say! (Isn’t Stewie hilarious!) It’s like controlling a movie theater seat to act like a roller coaster! Who doesn’t love STAR TOURS at Disneyland? It’s the ride with that lovable little Star Wars robot that shouts nerdy droid references at the audience while their chairs jerk them around like somebody buying trying to find seats for a concert at TicketMaster. Remember when those stereotypical Asian gangsters were pushing on the cop car in The Hangover? Well imagine if your seats were rocking back and forth like the guys in the car! I KNOW RIGHT?!

Let's Get Ready To Rummbmbmbmbmb...

Check out how red that chair is, it’s like a souped up Convertible after ten 5-hour energy drinks! AND a Red Bull. I think it would also be cool if those chairs could give haptic feedback like an iPhone so that you know when to laugh at the movie. Do those television shows use haptic feedback to make the audience laugh yet? Those ‘laughter’ and ‘applause’ signs are so early 2000. Why use a sign when you can use haptic feedback sensor motors?

TAKE MY TEMPERATURE

There are a number of hilarious scenes from The Hangover (Part The First… wink wink) that are dependent on temperate. After all the movie takes place in sin city! It’s a desert out there! Remember when whats-his-face-main-character-guy ends up being locked up on the roof for the WHOLE time? Homeslice is all sun burned and dehydrated and it looked wicked hot… but how wicked? We sent a man to the moon for god sakes, we ought to be able to adjust the temperature in our most cherished rooms in the country, our movie theaters, at a whim!

It's a TEMPERATURE MELTDOWN

It would be really cool if there were a scene in The Hangover 2: The Drunkening where the guys got trapped in a meat locker, but then that guy from The Office (that show is my favorite) got trapped in a rain forest, and then that guy from Community (that show is my favorite) got trapped in the hot desert sun. Every time the scene changes it would go from freezing cold so you could see your Mike and Ike rank breath, to humid and foggy with mist in your face, to scorching hot and sweaty! Now that you know what I mean, I think you can understand how our movie-going experience would be significantly improved from weather altering theaters. Significantly. Improved.

Well that’s all the ideas I can think of… for now. I’m going to go check out GI Joe in the theaters tomorrow and I’m sure to come up with a whole additional list of sweet things that movie theaters should be doing to maximize our movie watching experience. Stay tuned!

And now for #7 on my favorite movies of 2009 list… “World’s Greatest Dad”.

Robin Williams is an actor which I typically loathe. His off the wall antics and occasional attempts at serious roles have always left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Despite all that, he puts on a great show in “World’s Greatest Dad”. Bobcat Goldthwait… yes that Bobcat Goldthwait… wrote and directed this indie classic about a father who is unhappy and struggling with his mediocre life and lack of success. I know it sounds typical but the movie is anything but.

Robin Williams not being Robin Williams

Lance Clayton (Robin Williams) plays and underachieving high school English teacher whose writing career has never taken off. Despite failure after failure, Lance submits his novels for publishing only to be constantly turned down. His 15 year old son, Kyle, who attends the very same high school, is a complete jerk in every sense of the word. Kyle chooses not to communicate, is obsessed with demoralizing sex, and fails at school. Lance is developing a spotty relationship with an attractive and much younger teacher although it is constantly waivering due to another more attractive teacher.

Laughing in Ben - Not What You Think

*Spoilers… if you haven’t seen this movie don’t read further!*

And then… it happens. Lance’s son Kyle accidentally kills himself in a bout of auto-erotic asphyxiation while masturbating to a cell phone picture of his dad’s girlfriend. Lance, fraught with grief, refuses to let his son be found and remembered as he died. He moves his body to make it look like an intentional hanging and then writes a compelling suicide note. The note however is so compelling that after being published in the newspaper the entire school takes hold of it. And then the country.

After finally finding success in writing, through first person notes and a journal posing as his now-dead son, Lance finds massive success. He goes on talk shows. He sells books. He is well respected in the community. And he is happy. This entire situation is portrayed on film just as about as absurdly as you can imagine.

Very Important Computer Work

Robin Williams is probably at his best in this movie. He is convincing as a man who is tired of being tired, tired of failing, and tired of being a single parent. Daryl Sabara is equally impressive as Williams’ son. He is an absolute jerk of a human being who you can’t help but loathe.

Read more about “World’s Greatest Dad” at Wikipedia and IMDB. Roger Ebert wrote a pretty succinct and good review of it as well.